I CAN MOONWALK!
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
