I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
