If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
