trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He better not be in your backpack
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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