haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Randomize
