i just wanna soil my oats bro
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
