Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
