Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
