Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
is that a dick in a sweater?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
