So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
