I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
