I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
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