hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
