I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
