Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
