Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
