I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
