I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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