the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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