I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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