I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
