i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
i am craving dick and cupcakes
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
