I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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