she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize