I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
