Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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