Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
