I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
