Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
