the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize