We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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