I heard we made out
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Nicole vs. Life
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
