I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
