your room smells of hookers.
And success
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
