Rock
Scissors
Fuck
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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