Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
