my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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