Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I could fuck to npr.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
