So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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