If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
