is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
