well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
