So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
