I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
