That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
