My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
