24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Randomize
