either way he was missing a nipple.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
