I feel like I'm in dance class right now
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Come see our sink grown plant.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
