Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
