Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
