She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
