Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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