Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
