In the future we'll all be gay
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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