I'd wear matching sweaters with you
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize