someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
