The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize