I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
