I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
