You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
