Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
