I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
