I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So much rum. So many feels.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
