I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize