we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
