Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
