It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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