I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
