You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
