i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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