Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
this boner is exhausting
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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