hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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