I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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