He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
