Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
