Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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