my mouth tastes like poor choices
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
