Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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