pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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