Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
