HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
