Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
