life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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