my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
