So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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