i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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