Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
