Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
