Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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