wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
