I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
