I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The air was thick with penises
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
