You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I can't turn off my feet"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize