Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
