At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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