how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
God, I missed his penis.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
