Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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