Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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