More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
