I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
