pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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