If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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