if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I cut my penus on the lid.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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