if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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